My Path to Fatherhood Wasn’t The Traditional One

Brad Hamilton

Brad Hamilton | Thousand Oaks CA

Growing up in a pastor’s house, I remember lessons my dad taught me about fatherhood. But I also see how many lessons and ideas I inferred about fatherhood by being a son to my dad, and as they say, “more is caught than taught.” He taught me about facing fears and persevering through challenges, he handed me a faith and encouraged me as I made it my own, and he stressed the importance of family. But I also remember him being gone a lot, once for so long once I couldn’t recall his face without looking at his picture in the hallway. I remember that his service to others often took precedence over us. And I remember feeling like I couldn’t have the relationship I wanted with him because other people needed him more. This “close but distant” relationship influenced my perception of fatherhood. I knew I wanted to pass on what I was taught, and I knew I had to be intentional about what would be caught.

Parenting is the single most heart filling and gut wrenching thing I’ve done. Being intentional about what gets “caught” has helped me position my parenting away from authoritarianism and towards relationship building with each of my kids. My path to fatherhood wasn’t the traditional one; when my wife and I married I was instantly gifted with two girls and two boys. The girls didn’t need a father - their dad is alive and well, and their relationship is solid. All they need from me is to know I’m there for them and to see their mom loved well. The boys’ father passed away when they were two and a half years and six months old, and I’m beyond grateful to be their dad. We had one more boy, completing our family. Their personalities are all very different, they absorb information differently, they give and receive love differently, and they experience life in ways unique to them. I’ve realized my job is not to teach them to be like me; my job is to help them become more of who they already are. Our family “blends” well because we don’t consider it blended. There are no “steps” or “halfs” in our family. There are only brothers, sisters, and love. 

Dad Academy is a toolbox, a seed packet, an instruction manual even, on intentional parenting for dads. It reminds us of what we already know, provides creative new ways of thinking about things, and it inspires with exercises and assignments geared towards dads becoming more and more intentional in their parenting. Dad Academy is about helping dads help kids become the men and women they were born to be.