My wife and I went through years of infertility...

Keoki Leong

Leong Family | Hilo HI

My understanding of fatherhood started on shaky ground. My dad had an affair while my mom was pregnant with me, and as a child I always carried this underlying feeling of being unwanted. When my mom later dated the ex-husband of the woman my dad had the affair with, life got even more turbulent. I never felt comfortable building a close relationship with my stepfather. The person who really filled that father role in my life was my grandfather. He was a loving husband and dad, and his example gave me something to hold on to. Those tough experiences shaped the kind of father I wanted to be when I finally had the chance.

For a long time, I tried not to become my father. My wife and I went through years of infertility, and in that season the enemy filled my heart with doubt of God's love and feelings of unworthiness. It put a strain on our marriage. But by God’s grace, my wife’s commitment, and the covering of a community of believers, God became the center of our relationship. That has made all the difference. Eventually, things changed and we were blessed to have children. Once I became a father, I knew I had to be intentional. I forgave my father, and my kids were able to have a relationship with him. Raising a daughter worried me at first since I grew up around only boys. But godly men I admired told me, “Let her see her daddy love her mommy, and she will know what a good man looks like.” My son would learn the same by watching how I loved and served our family.

When I joined the Dad Academy group at my church, I learned even more about how significant a father is in the life of his children. The material cited statistics that opened my eyes. It’s clear that we are in a spiritual battle. The enemy’s goal is to break our connection with our Heavenly Father, and one of the ways he does that is by diminishing the importance of earthly fathers.

Now I do my best to put God at the center of every decision, even in the small daily things. I want my kids to know that their father wants to hear about their joys, their struggles, their hopes, and their dreams. I want them to know they can depend on me, the way I depend on our Father in Heaven. Dad Academy helped me develop a plan to be intentional, to lead with purpose, and to be the kind of dad God designed me to be.